18 Months

Photo by A Perry on Unsplash

It is so strange to think we've only been here 18 months, in many ways it feels like I've always lived here.  When I think back to our life in SA it feels weirdly foreign.  I take that as a good sign!

My overall thoughts:

* People warned me that there would be a "honeymoon period" and that I could expect a bit of a slump after that.  I think I must still be in the honeymoon period.  I still feel very loved up about life in the UK!  (To the point that I think people may think I'm on some sort of happy pill!!  I try to curb my enthusiasm when I start getting the side-eye...)  I absolutely love living here and genuinely wouldn't want to live anywhere else.  My biggest fear is that if something happened to Grant before we got Indefinite Leave to Remain I'd have to return to South Africa.  (No disrespect to my friends and family who are happily living in SA - I totally respect your position, and I'm glad you're happy there)  For myself, I literally could not face going back to SA, it's a thought that keeps me awake at night.  I wish we could just fast-forward to our ILR application.  Seeing as we can't, I am trying to keep Grant in excellent health - I can't persuade him to diet, but I'm making sure he gets lots of exercise and a cart-load of vitamins with his breakfast every morning!  If he decides to kick the bucket (God forbid!) a plan will be made, but one thing I am sure of, over my dead body will I ever return to SA!  Moving swiftly on.....

* Emigration was SO much easier than we imagined it to be.  I worried myself sick when we were back in SA and in the planning stages of our big move.  I wish I'd known then what I know now!

* I am really glad I spent all those hours researching and figuring out where we should live in the UK.  We are all very, very happy with the area we chose to move to.  (Having said that, we have now moved 8 miles down the road from Prestwood.  I'll do a blog post all about our move soon.)

* I absolutely adore the fact that we can walk around without fear and go to bed at night without worrying about our security.  That for me is the single biggest difference between here and SA.  I now realise how much stress I was under about safety and security.  I am still often taken-aback to see kids and young women walking around all over the place on their own, unconcerned about their safety. 

* If there is one thing I could change it would be this - I wish we'd moved at a younger age.  To those people in their 20s and 30s debating making the move, my advice would be to do it sooner rather than later.  And to those who are a bit older, I would suggest getting on that plane the moment you can, you want to start paying into a UK pension plan ASAP.  

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I asked Rox and Jon (in their 30s) to send me an update on their thoughts about having lived here for 18 months:

18 months has come and gone and we have settled so well in the UK. This is definitely home for us. We love it here! After visiting South Africa for Christmas, to be honest, we couldn’t wait to get home. South Africa although still familiar just doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Something we've noticed is that the shopping here in the UK is becoming very normal and familiar to us, for example the different tomato sauce and mayonnaise, which used to seem strange. The different brands aren’t feeling foreign anymore.

The biggest difference between here and SA is the sense of security. Kids leave their bikes in the garden overnight, you can walk in the woods without feeling even a hint of uncertainty.

For us emigrating was an easy process. Yes we miss some friends and family but on the whole the transition has been much easier than expected. The kids have settled so well into their new home, new seasons and new surroundings. We wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s the best decision we ever made, our only regret is that we didn't move sooner.

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I asked Paula and Calvin (they're in their early twenties) for an update too - they've only been here 9 months:

* We feel happily settled, we've started living and progressing independently and are able to buy little extras that we need.  We are adulting!

* We are feeling more settled with friends here in the UK and we don't feel like outsiders in the community anymore.  People feel less like strangers and more like neighbours.

* The season changes have been amazing to watch, we definitely appreciate the seasons more!  The last month of Winter is a bit tiresome but watching Spring emerge was amazing.  We love the Spring and the beginnings of Summer we are seeing at the moment.

* The freedom of being able to walk alone to visit Mum and Dad (through the window, thanks Coronavirus!) is lovely, I don't even think twice about doing it.  We feel very secure.

* We're really happy!  We love the woods!  Nothing really profound, but we just like being able to live our lives and do our thing without any worries.  

* Customer service is really good here.

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So that's us!  18 months down the line and happily settled.

2 Months in the UK

I thought it was about time I did another update on how we are settling-in in the UK. We've been here two months now!


Overall, I think I speak for all of us when I say we genuinely love it here. Having said that, we have certainly faced some challenges, it has by no means been plain-sailing.


So let me start with the things that have been difficult:


1. No. 1 is, without a doubt, our little granddaughter Isabella and school. Issy is 4 years old, in South Africa she was in a fantastic little playschool - the sort of place where she could climb up onto the teacher's lap at story-time if the mood took her. Here, she is in Reception year. The school couldn't be more far-removed from what she experienced in South Africa. There are strict regulations about everything, Issy gets reading homework every day, she wears a uniform, there are no hugs from the teachers, it's just been a MONUMENTAL leap for her and she's struggled to adjust - in fact we all have. More on this later...


2. Grant finding work. Before we moved it pretty much looked like Grant had found a job (I went into some detail about this in previous posts) unfortunately that job fell through at the last minute and since then he has been looking for work. Reading on groups we belong to, it seems like most people don't struggle to find work on arrival in the UK, but for Grant it has been a huge struggle. He has honestly done all the right things, he has his CV in the UK format, he even had it professionally re-written, he's more than happy to take a job below his skill level, he's submitted his CV to all the recruitment agencies, he's made finding work his full-time job since we arrived... he's done his level best, but ... no job! Part of the reason is without a doubt the fact that his particular line of work is a very niche position.   Anyway, finally, FINALLY, he has a job and starts work on 4 Feb!


3. Living on rands. Ja, I won't lie, we have been haemorrhaging our ronts hey! Flip, it's quite scary. We'll be very, very glad to see some pounds rolling in.


4. Being without our stuff. So, our shipping left on the 26th of October and barring an unforeseen calamity, it will finally arrive at our door on Monday. We cannot wait! On the other hand, it's also rather a scary prospect as quite where we are going to put all that stuff is a flipping good question! We've gone from a 3 bedroom home with an office, a granny flat and two outdoor areas to a teeny-tiny little 2 bedroom, one bathroom flat and did I mention that the UK in general doesn't believe in built-in cupboards... so there's that. So far we have been living with one sharp knife, one casserole dish and 3 pots... you get the picture.... so I am going to dive on my kitchenware like a woman possessed!


5. Feeling part of the community. This is a strange concept and rather difficult to explain. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the least social person you are ever likely to meet. I like my own company and I love my friends but "being social" is not my scene AT ALL. I really detest any sort of social gathering and am painfully shy and socially awkward. So it strikes me as really weird that I hate not feeling part of the local community... but there you have it. Where we lived before the waiters at our favourite restaurants knew us, my hairstylist knew all about me, my gardener was my BFF and I sometimes smiled shyly at the lady who walked in the park - I felt like I belonged. Here, not so much! Grant and I go to the pub once or twice a week and I hate it that we don't know one single person there... we arrive and leave, generally without saying a single word to anyone except the bar-person (and I can't bring myself to smile shyly at anyone). I honestly don't need, or particularly want, to strike up a conversation with anyone, but it would be nice just to see a familiar face to say "hello" to. We are trying to greet people we see regularly, so perhaps it will come with time. It's funny because, on the whole, I find people (till-operators in the shops, the postman etc) friendly, so it's not that people are unfriendly as such, it's rather that people don't seem to welcome you into the community easily. To be honest I think I also give off a bit of an unfriendly vibe.... LOL!


Now for the good stuff!


Things that have gone well:

1. Issy's school. Confused? Let me explain. When Issy was having a hard time settling in at school here Rox and Jon went and met with her teacher and she spent well over an hour with them. She explained the plans she had set up to help Issy going forward - among other things, Issy will attend a weekly group that is there to support the pupils who have any sort of struggle, she has been assigned an individual facilitator for several hours a week and one of the teaching assistants will spend extra time with Issy and be there to guide her whenever necessary. They are going above and beyond to help and support her. We're very impressed!


2. The countryside. We are absolutely LOVING getting out into the countryside. We are spoilt for choice with gorgeous places like Hughenden, Waddesdon Manor, Coombe Hill, Hell-fire Caves and Cliveden (my favourite!) and many more on our doorstep. We bought National Trust annual membership for ourselves and the rest of the family for Christmas this year and are putting it to extremely good use already. Something I love about this area is the number of public footpaths criss-crossing the hills around us, it is wonderful how accessible the countryside is.


Hughenden Estate



Waddesdon Manor



Coombe Hill



View from Hell-fire caves



Hell-fire Caves (yes the sky sometimes gets THAT blue in Winter!)



Cliveden Estate


3. Our flat. Guys, I'll be honest, when we signed the lease for this flat I wondered how on earth I was going to deal with living in such a very tiny, very humble, rather grim-looking place. (Yeah, I'm aware that makes me sound like a spoilt brat!) How much I am enjoying it has come as a huge surprise to me! Our flat is in the High Street going through the heart of our little village, we are on the ground floor and there are only 4 flats in our block, with a small communal garden. The first thing I did when we moved in was buy a couple of bird feeders and hang them in the tree outside my kitchen window - washing dishes has become a pleasure as I get acquainted with the local avian community - that small thing has gone a ridiculously long way to making me feel comfortable here. (It's also led to some seriously weird conversations: "Grant come quickly, there's a Great Tit in the tree!"...words I never thought I'd hear myself say...) We've furnished our flat simply, but nicely (Hello Ikea, nice to know you!) and done our best to make it feel homely and are really feeling settled and comfortable here and no doubt when our shipping arrives and we have more of our personal knick-knacks around us we'll feel even more so.


If you shut one eye and squint you will see my bird feeders in the tree! Isn't the snow PRETTY?!


4. The weather. Say again? It's Winter! I thought we would absolutely hate the weather. It was something that literally scared me and gave me cold sweats when I thought about it before we left South Africa. I can say in complete honesty that I am enjoying the weather. We have got a handle on the central heating - 15 degrees C is our happy temp and it comes on twice a day for a few hours - and my sinuses are now sorted. We love going for walks in the brisk cold temps. So far the grey days don't really get us down (although I suppose if we had too many of them on a trot we might get over it!) and the ice cold blue-skied days are an absolute delight. We bundle up and get outside no matter the weather and thoroughly enjoy it. This week we had snow and we LOVED it. Such fun. The melt is a bit messy and mushy, but so, so worth it!


5. Proximity to London. We don't go to London all that often (there's that awkward thing about spending ronts...) but man it's nice being able to hop on a train and be there an hour later when we do want to go.


6. Doing this with family.  It's no secret that Grant and I moved here because the grandkids Rox and Jon were moving here.  Our family is tight and the thought of not being there to see our grandkids grow up was unbearable.  Ideally, 50 is no time to be waving your pension good-bye and starting all over again, but although on some level it might have been an insane decision, I'm so glad we made the move.  It is SUCH a joy to be doing this with our kids and grandkids down the road.  It's so much fun sharing new experiences.  It's also lovely to have people to talk to that truly know what you are going through and it's even better when those people are family.  



So that about sums it up for now. My overall feeling is ... peace. I am at peace with our decision to move here, I'm at peace with where we are. I'm at peace with how we are living.  I love England in general and the area we have settled in in particular. I don't really miss South Africa, although I do miss my family and friends who are still there. I miss my Paula-girl fiercely when she's not here (she's here at the moment, yay!) and I miss my Impi dreadfully. But ultimately, two months in and I'm happy!

2 weeks in the UK

So, we have been in the UK for 2 full weeks now.  I thought I'd post some of my initial impressions.

POSITIVES:

• I feel incredibly settled and at home, having been here for such a short time, and considering the fact that we currently don't have a home... that comes as a huge surprise!
• Feeling safe.  It is so amazing not to feel fearful at all - no burglar bars, or burglar alarms, and people walk their dogs all over the place in the dark all the time
• So far, the Winter weather is not nearly as awful as I had imagined, as long as you dress properly for the weather you can go out and about quite comfortably.  (I'm guessing that might change as we head towards February - I've been warned it can get pretty grim!)
• There is a lovely Wintery, Christmassy atmosphere, Christmas lights and music everywhere... I'm LOVING that!
• I am really happy with the area of Buckinghamshire we have settled in - it's absolutely lovely!
• Being vegetarian is REALLY easy in the UK.  The options are endless and delicious.
• People are SO friendly, it astounds me daily - from the cashiers at supermarkets to the moms at Issy's school - people have been unfailingly polite and friendly
• The postal service is awesome
• There is no litter and it is incredibly clean, even the public loos 
• The Christmas markets are amazing!
• Mulled wine!!!  Mulled cider!!!  Heavenly...
• We have managed to see several friends in the short time we've been here, which has helped us to feel settled.  I love that my Lissy is less than an hour away!
• We live in the Chilterns, there are Red Kites in our area - as in the bird of prey, not the child's toy - they were on the brink of extinction and have been successfully re-introduced.  I love seeing them every day.  Makes my heart smile.
• There are loads of woods, National Trust properties and lovely walks on our doorstep
• Getting to know the local wildlife is such fun
• Public transport is amazing here
• London is less than an hour's train ride away
• Online shopping.

NEGATIVES:

• I miss my Paula and Impi something fierce!
• My body-clock was terribly confused by the sun setting at 4pm, getting used to it now, but it is a bit weird!  I keep on wanting to eat supper at 5pm.
• Things work so well here, but that can be a bit intimidating - I feel like at any moment I might do the wrong thing.  Makes me a bit nervous
• Spending rands..... eish! It's expensive.  
• At the moment I am fully embracing the cold, Wintery, darkness - it's cosy and I genuinely love it, but I can imagine that by the end of February it may get a bit old and I'll be yearning for sunshine.
• It's a pain getting the kiddies all dressed up in their coats, hats, gloves and boots before we go anywhere - and they can't wear their coats in their car seats, so it's a battle we fight repeatedly.... coat on, coat off, coat on again....
• This place doesn't sell the good meds... my headaches call for Myprodol, my colds call for Corenza C and Linctagon and that weird tooth sometimes needs Cataflam... problems!
• There is no Woolies chai.... sob, sob, sob....
• There is no Tommy's sushi.....sob, sob, sob....
• lime scale.  It's a nuisance
• Issy has jumped all the way into "big school" - she's now in a uniform, going to school from 9am to 3pm, learning the 3Rs.  Guys! She's only little!
• I think I sometimes come across as rude.  The people are very, very polite, whereas I think we can sometimes be a bit "bull in a china shop".
• The central heating does a number on my sinuses.  It can get very dry and stuffy.  You'd know our house, it's the one that regularly has the windows and doors flung open when it gets a bit much for me.
• I haven't been able to find decent sushi in our immediate area.  (Can you tell the girl is missing her sushi-fix?!