When your worlds collide

It's been a really strange week people!  On Monday our shipping arrived, I had been eagerly, impatiently, waiting for this day, so there was much excitement when the truck arrived outside our flat on Monday morning.  The boxes were brought in, ticked off, opened... it was so exciting!  

Everything was going great until, I carried the little mat that I like to keep in my kitchen from the box in the lounge into the kitchen, laid it on the floor and... WHAM.... dagger to the heart.... I pictured our little dog, who died in South Africa, sitting on that mat while I cooked dinner, in our kitchen in Kloof.  I was literally gulping back sobs.  And it was like that memory opened the flood-gates, memory after memory slapped me in the face as we unpacked those boxes.  I can say in complete honesty it was one of the more difficult days of my life (and I've had a few!)

Thinking about it later on I realised that in my mind I've had 2 distinct compartments, "Life in South Africa" and "Life in England".  That worked perfectly for me; they were two completely separate entities, no untidy comparisons, no mixing of emotions, it was all neat and tidy... then and now....  Bringing those boxes into our flat on Monday was basically bringing my "Life in South Africa" into my home in Buckinghamshire - my worlds collided, the boundaries were brought down and boy was it painful!  I decided the wisest course of action was probably to feel all those feelings, be a mess for a day or two, and then stop looking in the rear-view mirror and move on.  So Monday and Tuesday were not my greatest days ever!  By Wednesday I was ready to cheer-up, it was a beautiful, crisp, sunny day and we went to Hughenden for a lovely walk, by the time we got back in the car all was right with my world again.

We had an awesome snowfall on Thursday night and woke up to a Winter wonderland on Friday.  It was a "snow day" for everyone, so the entire family gathered on a nearby hill and went sledding.  I found myself standing on that hill silently thanking England for welcoming us, sending out gratitude for the journey that brought us to this incredible place.

This week was such a reminder to me that feelings are fluid, that what may seem an insurmountable heartache today can slowly but surely ebb away and be replaced by pure joy.  I just need to allow myself to feel and process all the emotions.