4 Years

 This time 4 years ago this was us –

 

Waiting to board our flight from Durban to London, via Dubai.  We had made it very clear that we didn’t want anyone to come to see us off at the airport (a very good decision) so it was just us, with such a weird mix of emotions going on.  On the one hand, we were so relieved that the big day was finally here and that the goodbyes and final “things to do” were over.  For over 4 months, since booking our tickets, we had been waiting for the 22 November, everything we did was somehow connected to that date and now the day had arrived, nothing left to do, nothing more to be said, just get on the plane and get going; the relief was enormous!  We were also really excited; we couldn’t wait to start our new life in England!  (and I couldn’t wait to get my arms around my grandkids again!)  But then, on the other hand, we were utterly terrified – Grant and I knew that emigrating in our mid-50s was taking a big chance and, frankly, a rather dumb move financially.  A number of people had told us in no uncertain terms that we were nuts and in the early hours of most mornings, staring at the ceiling, I was inclined to agree with them.  With all of that going on inside me, by the time I stepped on that plane I felt completely numb.  Also exhausted.  Very, very exhausted.

Looking back on it all now, I wish I could go and give that 2018 version of myself a hug and tell her it was all going to work out just fine.  Not exactly as she was envisioning, but fine nonetheless.

I have to chuckle when I think of my big worries at that time – apart from our financial situation, my biggest fears were The Weather, the “unfriendly British people who don’t like foreigners” and doing my own housework without Gogo to help me (ironing featured strongly in this concern!)  Other than the finances which, it has to be said, took a heavy knock, I needn’t have worried about any of those things.  We genuinely don’t have a problem with the weather at all and both Grant and I agree that if we had to choose, we hand-on-heart prefer the English weather to South African weather overall.   Back in 2018, I would NEVER have thought that would be the case!  As far as the fallacy of the “unfriendly British people” goes, nothing could be further from the truth!  The people in our little town are so friendly and community-minded, we have honestly met some of the loveliest people living here.  We are on first-name terms with the majority of people who live around us (and if we aren’t on first name terms with them, then we are most definitely on first-name terms with their dogs!)  I’m still blown away by how people will stop and chat when we are out walking the dog or buying something in the shop, it’s taken a bit of getting used to and is definitely not what we expected!  The housework situation has been a breeze, our flat is so tiny that I can whip around it in a matter of minutes and ironing is a pleasure when I switch on my audio book and have a listen.  To be honest, I barely iron anything anyway!  I was worrying for nothing.  Gosh, to think of all the hours of sleep I missed out on, over those silly things!

What has surprised me is the things that I have found difficult.  Grant and I knew we would have to downsize; it was quite obvious that we would not be able to afford a house and garden in England the size of the one we had in SA.  The thing is, it’s very easy to sit on your verandah in Kloof, looking out over your garden and say “I won’t mind living in a much smaller house.”  When you are sitting in your very, VERY, VERY much smaller flat, with no garden at all, it’s not quite as easy.  That for me has been the single most difficult thing.  BUT, I can cross the road and walk directly into the woods, all on my own, with nothing to fear, and walk for miles… that is definitely some consolation.   To be fair, the longer we live in this flat, the more I find to like about it (I was VERY negative about it to begin with!) 

The other thing that I really struggled with a LOT was that we didn’t have a pet when we got here.  (Our little dog, Becca, was meant to come over with us - she’d had her blood tests, we had her Pet Passport and crate, we’d booked her travel and then she passed away very unexpectedly a few weeks before we left.)  We have always had dogs and cats and we should have realised that we would struggle without a pet, but for some reason we thought that we were ready to embrace the “lock-up and go” lifestyle, without a pet.  How wrong we were!  When I started getting tears in my eyes every single time I saw our neighbour and her little pug walking down the road it became clear that something had to be done.  Enter Molly!  While living in a flat with a dog was a steep learning curve and there were days when we wondered why on Earth we had thought this was a good idea, having our Moll has most definitely been a wonderful thing.  She is the craziest dog you could imagine, but in our family we do well with crazy.

So here we are!  It’s been a journey!  There have been ups and downs and while we have never for one moment doubted our decision, it hasn’t always been easy – it also hasn’t been nearly as difficult as we somehow imagined it would be.

At the end of the day, the thing that makes my heart happy is that I love it here, I completely and utterly love it here.  I feel more myself, more complete and more content walking in those woods than I ever have at any other moment in my entire life.  I belong here.  There is nowhere else on Earth that I’d rather live.  I wish I’d known that 4 years ago, sitting on that plane.

18 Months

Photo by A Perry on Unsplash

It is so strange to think we've only been here 18 months, in many ways it feels like I've always lived here.  When I think back to our life in SA it feels weirdly foreign.  I take that as a good sign!

My overall thoughts:

* People warned me that there would be a "honeymoon period" and that I could expect a bit of a slump after that.  I think I must still be in the honeymoon period.  I still feel very loved up about life in the UK!  (To the point that I think people may think I'm on some sort of happy pill!!  I try to curb my enthusiasm when I start getting the side-eye...)  I absolutely love living here and genuinely wouldn't want to live anywhere else.  My biggest fear is that if something happened to Grant before we got Indefinite Leave to Remain I'd have to return to South Africa.  (No disrespect to my friends and family who are happily living in SA - I totally respect your position, and I'm glad you're happy there)  For myself, I literally could not face going back to SA, it's a thought that keeps me awake at night.  I wish we could just fast-forward to our ILR application.  Seeing as we can't, I am trying to keep Grant in excellent health - I can't persuade him to diet, but I'm making sure he gets lots of exercise and a cart-load of vitamins with his breakfast every morning!  If he decides to kick the bucket (God forbid!) a plan will be made, but one thing I am sure of, over my dead body will I ever return to SA!  Moving swiftly on.....

* Emigration was SO much easier than we imagined it to be.  I worried myself sick when we were back in SA and in the planning stages of our big move.  I wish I'd known then what I know now!

* I am really glad I spent all those hours researching and figuring out where we should live in the UK.  We are all very, very happy with the area we chose to move to.  (Having said that, we have now moved 8 miles down the road from Prestwood.  I'll do a blog post all about our move soon.)

* I absolutely adore the fact that we can walk around without fear and go to bed at night without worrying about our security.  That for me is the single biggest difference between here and SA.  I now realise how much stress I was under about safety and security.  I am still often taken-aback to see kids and young women walking around all over the place on their own, unconcerned about their safety. 

* If there is one thing I could change it would be this - I wish we'd moved at a younger age.  To those people in their 20s and 30s debating making the move, my advice would be to do it sooner rather than later.  And to those who are a bit older, I would suggest getting on that plane the moment you can, you want to start paying into a UK pension plan ASAP.  

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I asked Rox and Jon (in their 30s) to send me an update on their thoughts about having lived here for 18 months:

18 months has come and gone and we have settled so well in the UK. This is definitely home for us. We love it here! After visiting South Africa for Christmas, to be honest, we couldn’t wait to get home. South Africa although still familiar just doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Something we've noticed is that the shopping here in the UK is becoming very normal and familiar to us, for example the different tomato sauce and mayonnaise, which used to seem strange. The different brands aren’t feeling foreign anymore.

The biggest difference between here and SA is the sense of security. Kids leave their bikes in the garden overnight, you can walk in the woods without feeling even a hint of uncertainty.

For us emigrating was an easy process. Yes we miss some friends and family but on the whole the transition has been much easier than expected. The kids have settled so well into their new home, new seasons and new surroundings. We wouldn’t change it for anything. It’s the best decision we ever made, our only regret is that we didn't move sooner.

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I asked Paula and Calvin (they're in their early twenties) for an update too - they've only been here 9 months:

* We feel happily settled, we've started living and progressing independently and are able to buy little extras that we need.  We are adulting!

* We are feeling more settled with friends here in the UK and we don't feel like outsiders in the community anymore.  People feel less like strangers and more like neighbours.

* The season changes have been amazing to watch, we definitely appreciate the seasons more!  The last month of Winter is a bit tiresome but watching Spring emerge was amazing.  We love the Spring and the beginnings of Summer we are seeing at the moment.

* The freedom of being able to walk alone to visit Mum and Dad (through the window, thanks Coronavirus!) is lovely, I don't even think twice about doing it.  We feel very secure.

* We're really happy!  We love the woods!  Nothing really profound, but we just like being able to live our lives and do our thing without any worries.  

* Customer service is really good here.

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So that's us!  18 months down the line and happily settled.

1 year anniversary

We've been here a year!!

As I sit here today, I really can't imagine a life lived elsewhere.  I fell in love with this place before we even moved here and I still feel the same way.  I feel as though I was always meant to live here.  I really count myself one of the lucky ones, because I know that, for some people, emigration can be a very tough experience.  For me, it has been an absolute joy.  To get a more balanced view, I thought I'd ask the rest of the family for their opinions too.  (Calvin and Paula have only been here 3 months, but they answered the questions too, just to give an idea.)  So now we have answers from 50-somethings, 30-somethings, and 20-somethings.


1. How do you feel about having lived in the UK for a year?

Grant: That it is home
Gill: I feel so thankful that we get to live here and I am so grateful for the amazing year we've had exploring our new home.
Rox and Jon: Happy, it's been a good  year
Calvin: (only been here 3 months) Very happy with how it is going, loving my new job and the area we live in.  I just feel a lot more relaxed and feel like I can "live" life.
Paula: (only been here 3 months)  Time has flown and it feels like home.

2. How difficult has emigration been?

Grant:  It hasn't been that difficult because we came with the whole family.
Gill: SO much easier than I imagined it to  be.
Roxy and Jon: It's been a lot easier than we thought, the build up to emigrating was more stressful than living in a new country.  
Calvin: I have no issues at all, the whole process has been easy.
Paula: It was surprisingly easy.  The only thing that I miss is my friends.


3. Do you feel you are better off - emotionally?  Financially?

Grant: Emotionally, yes - financially, no.  Our age was probably the worst time to emigrate as far as pension etc goes.  But on the other hand, I now know that I have a stable job and income, whereas in SA retrenchment was an ongoing possibility.

Gill: Emotionally, I feel a LOT better off.   Financially - it's a tough one to answer.  I stress daily about our pension situation, it's frankly frightening.  On the other hand, we lived with retrenchment hanging over our heads in SA - there was no job security and our pensions there would probably have ended up being worthless anyway.  So we're not really any worse off retirement/pension-wise if you look at the big picture.  In SA we owned our own home, and it was a relatively nice house, in a good suburb.  Here we rent a very humble flat in a nice suburb.  So that gets me down a bit, I'd love to be able to afford to buy a little house with a small garden.  So in that aspect we were financially better off in SA... but then if Grant had been retrenched it would all have gone up in smoke... so....?

Roxy and Jon:  Yes, we feel very safe and happy in our new home.  Yes, we don't have financial stress like we did in SA.

Calvin: Yes to both, I feel more safe and relaxed.  My job is paying me well, so in the financial department I feel fine.

Paula: Definitely.  I feel like I have a lot more freedom, I can walk to places a lot more, instead of having to take my car and be so security conscious about where I park and drive when I am on my own.  We are heaps better off financially here.  Calvin and I are completely financially independent for the first time and we can even save every month for holidays, so we are already planning trips.


4. If you knew a year ago what you know now, would you still do it?

Grant: most definitely
Gill: 100% definitely 
Rox and Jon:  Yes, absolutely. The life here is safe, there's more to do, and those long Summer days are bliss.
Calvin: 100% I would do it every time.  I have always wanted to live overseas and see what it is like.
Paula:  Definitely.  

5. If you could go back to a year ago, what would you do differently?

Grant: Nothing, I think we did it all right.
Gill: I wouldn't stress so much in the run-up to leaving SA.  Flip, I think I aged 20 years in the year before we moved... for no valid reason!  I wouldn't have left my Carrol Boyes sugar spoon behind by mistake.... still burns my butt!
Rox and Jon:  We wouldn't have sent Issy to school (we'd have started homeschooling from the word go) and we'd perhaps have looked for cheaper housing, our rent's quite high.
Calvin: Nothing.  Saving more money would have been good, but everything worked out in the end!
Paula: Nothing.  I think that the experience couldn't have been any different really, it's always going to be stressful leaving a country and I think we handled it well.

6. Are you happy with where you chose to live?

Grant:  100% definitely.  It would take a lot to beat our area.
Gill:  I absolutely love the area where we live.  I thank God every day that we happened to drive through this area and that Rox and I actually voiced that we liked it.. imagine if we had kept quiet and gone with our original plan!  
Rox and Jon:  Yes we are.  We love the village vibe and the countryside.
Calvin: Yes, the area is very nice.  The commute to work can get annoying sometimes with the trains, but I love the company I work for, so I'd rather commute further and be happy at work than work 20 min away but be unhappy.
Paula:  Definitely happy, the only downside is Calvin's commute, but I love the area and all the parks nearby and we are definitely going to be here for at least 2 years because of my uni and it would take a lot to make us consider leaving the area.

7. Biggest surprise?

Grant: How expensive it is to eat out.
Gill:  Hmmmm, there have been a few surprises... I was led to believe that the Brits were an unfriendly bunch and that's not at all true, in general I have found them to be polite, warm, kind people.  The weather (until the last 6 weeks!) has been SO, SO much better than I imagined.  I never pictured us living this outdoorsy lifestyle.  And yeah, I agree with Grant, eating out is prohibitively expensive, unfortunately!
Rox and Jon:  How well we've all adapted to the new surroundings and making some good friends so easily.
Calvin: How smoothly the whole process went.  Very happy with how I was able to get a job so quickly and we found a place to rent with a bit of searching and viewing, we are very happy with our home.
Paula: How naturally everything fell into place, Calvin got a job, I found nice people at uni and everything has just been simple since we arrived.


8. Most difficult thing?

Grant: Not working for 3 months.  Finding a job.
Gill:  I don't know how to properly articulate this - I feel like Grant and I have taken a drop... not in our standard of living as such - I think that our quality of life has improved 10 fold - but... I suppose it IS our standard of living....it's hard to describe.  Basically, I'm used to having my own home with a garden and pets and I don't like living in a rented, borderline crappy, flat.  I have adapted to it better than I thought I ever would, but now, after renting for a year, I'd really like to own my own home, with a little garden, so that I can have a pet and right now that isn't in my future and I wish it was.  But, having said that, our flat is SO conveniently located, and it's a breeze to keep clean, and I love my tree with all my bird-feeders (the crazy bird-lady, that's me!) and our neighbours are really sweet... so yeah, it's not a HUGE deal.. but that's the thing I find most difficult.
Roxy and Jon:  Missing family on special occasions and getting the kids organised with coats on and coats off in Winter!
Calvin: Adjusting to new people, making new friends.
Paula:  Not having my best friends nearby and trying to coordinate calls to them with how hectic life is for them and for me, whereas before you'd always just make a plan to meet up in person on the weekend.

9. Thoughts about the future?

Grant: I'd like to buy a house. 
Gill: Butter up our kids because they're the ones that will be changing our nappies one day??  (Funny...Not funny!)  Ummm, yeah....The house thing. 
Rox and Jon: It looks brighter here than it ever did.
Calvin: Looking forward to it! Still very positive and want to stay.
Paula: I'm excited and I can't wait to look back in a few years time to see how far we've come.

10. Advice to others contemplating the move.

Grant: Do it sooner rather than later
Gill:  Be very careful about where you choose to settle, I think that can make ALL the difference!  Do your homework, don't believe everything you read on the internet (my goodness people can talk utter nonsense!)  If at all possible, come as a big, extended family unit - I think that has made this a LOT easier for us.  Come when you're 30 so that you will qualify for the full pension when you reach retirement age.... don't be like us and wait until 15 years before retirement age... But on the other hand, if you are 50 come anyway and work until you drop!  And finally, come with a positive attitude, if you come here and keep your focus on South Africa and all that you have left behind, you are setting yourself up for misery.  Come here and embrace the place!
Rox and Jon: Have a positive attitude.
Calvin: If you are thinking about it and are able to be positive with the change, then I would say go for it.  Things can be difficult and change isn't always easy, but there is a sense of excitement in doing the big move.  It might not be for everyone, but if you stay positive and think of the future then you will be fine.
Paula: Take the chance, you can always go back if you are unhappy, but I don't think you will be!

Finding a school for your child

One of the biggest stressors when emigrating to the UK is often finding a school for your child.  You want your child to settle and be happy in their new country, and considering that a considerable number of their hours will be spent at school, the school they are placed in is a big factor.  For us, a big decider about where to settle revolved around where Isabella would be at school.  

There were three big factors that affected our decision about which school to choose for Issy:
1. Ofsted rating
2. whether the school was "oversubscribed"
3. Catchment area

So first, the Ofsted rating: 
The UK makes something called the "Ofsted Report" available to the public, this report rates schools on various criteria and gives them a score from "Outstanding" all the way down to "Inadequate". Obviously, when choosing a school for your child you ideally want it to have an "outstanding" or "very good" rating. (In the interest of transparency I will say that, in my personal opinion, this method of selecting a school isn't always foolproof - the Ofsted is largely based on academic criteria and sometimes, for a child who is not particularly academic, other criteria may be more important. Having said that, I still think there is value in the Ofsted rating, as a school that is performing really poorly is probably not a good option for any child.) 

The dreaded "oversubscribed": In our experience many, MANY of the desirable schools are "over-subscribed", which basically means they are full and not able to take any new pupils. 

Catchment area:  The schools in the UK are quite big on catchment areas - what this means is that once the schools have received applications (for people actually living in the UK, primary school applications have to be in by 15 January and secondary schools by 31 October, of the year before the child needs to attend school) they will then assign spots based on whether you live in the catchment area, whether there are siblings at the school etc; if there is still availability after that, they will then assign places to applicants who live outside the catchment area.  Ultimately, you need to choose a home largely based on what school you want your children to attend. 

A website that was VERY useful was https://www.192.com/schools/  On this website you are able to type in a postcode for the area you are interested in and a list of the nearby schools will then come up and it will state whether they are oversubscribed and what the Ofsted rating is. 

Once we found a school that we liked for Issy, that was not oversubscribed and had a decent Ofsted rating, Roxy emailed the school and made sure that there was availability in the grade that Issy would be going into, only once we had had confirmation that there was, did they go ahead and find a house to rent nearby.  

It does vary from county to county, but in general you need to contact the local council office to assign you a school.  (For people already living in the UK they apply via the council and list their 3 favourite school choices) When Rox contacted the council she stated that she had been in contact with the particular school and that they had a place available for Issy, the council then contacted the school and Rox then received a letter in the post saying Issy had been accepted at the school, after that all correspondence came straight from the school.

In the UK, children begin Reception year the September after they turn 4.  They will generally put your child in the grade according to their age group, even if they were in a lower grade in South Africa - this can mean a jump of 2 grades for some children.  They have teaching assistants to help the child catch up.  

The school day generally runs from about 9am to 3pm.

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Tier 4 Visa

Disclaimer: Please note I am not qualified in the emigration field, the below observations are what my daughter experienced when applying for her Tier 4 visa. The figures mentioned below are correct at the time of posting. This post is written from the perspective of a South African student moving to the UK. When applying for your Tier 4 visa please get the help of a person duly qualified to assist you.

My daughter, Paula, recently arrived in the UK on a Tier 4 visa, along with her husband Calvin, who came as a dependent on Paula's Tier 4 visa.

The Tier 4 visa is basically a study visa. All the details relating to this visa can be found here. To qualify for a Tier 4 visa you need to be over 16 years of age, be offered an unconditional place on a course at an educational institution that is on the licensed Tier 4 sponsor list, have the funds to support yourself (see below) and prove your competency in English by doing the relevant IELTS test. (To see the various IELTS tests, see here)

The type of course that qualifies for a Tier 4 is explained here.

The various documents that the applicant is required to submit are listed here

The applicant will need to prove they have the funds to cover the costs of their course and to maintain themselves for at least 9 months (or the full length of the course if it's shorter than 9 months). To do this they will need to provide bank statements that show that the relative sum of money has been in the bank account for at least 28 days. The "maintenance" funds required are: If you are studying in Greater London -  £1,265 per month, or if you are studying outside of London - £1,015 per month.  With regard to the course fees, the applicant will need to show proof of funds for at least the first year of tuition fees.

In addition to the visa fee, the applicant will also have to pay the NHS surcharge - the applicable fees can be found here and go for a TB test at an approved TB testing centre


In order to bring a dependent, the applicant needs to be studying for a course that is Level 7 or above (basically that means post-graduate) and the course has to be at least 9 months long.  The guidance for bringing a dependent can be found here.  The dependent will also need to pay the NHS surcharge, have a TB test and prove maintenance funds, for the first 9 months,of at least £845 per month if the main applicant's course is in Greater London, or at least £680 per month outside of London.  Proof will need to be provided of the relationship between the applicant and the dependent - for example a marriage certificate for a spouse as well as proof that the relationship is genuine (eg letters from friends confirming the relationship and photographs over the course of the relationship) or if the dependent is a child, an unabridged birth certificate.

It is possible for a student on a Tier 4 visa to switch to a Tier 2 (Skilled worker) visa once they have completed their studies.  There is a lot of information on this process here and here.

9 Months

At exactly this time 9 months ago we were at the airport, checking in for our flight to the UK.  Roxy and I were talking about it yesterday and we were saying that in some ways it feels ages ago, and in other ways, not long at all. Funny how the mind works!

My thoughts as I sit here today?  This is home.  Chatting to the rest of the family, I think the consensus is that we are all happy here and feeling very settled.  Rox has had a couple of moments of homesickness - she particularly misses her South African friends, and some of the activities she did with the children in South Africa - but she says she would never consider going back and on the whole she really loves it here.  I personally feel like I was always meant to live here.  It's weird, but I feel more comfortable and at ease here than I ever really did in South Africa, where I was born and raised, it's really surprising to me!  Maybe my DNA was just programmed to be English?  (considering my DNA is about 90% English I suppose that shouldn't come as a total shock 😉)  Before we left, I was bracing myself for a struggle, for homesickness and periods of sadness and grief.... other than a little wobbly in March, I've hardly felt any of that at all.  To be honest, unless I see a Facebook memory, or someone mentions it, I don't ever really think about South Africa, or life there at all.  

Having said that, there are some things I miss:  

* family that are still in SA - it sucks that we can't get together for a braai and a good chat    every now and again.  I am eternally grateful that Rox, Jon and the kiddies live just down the road and that Paula and Cal will be moving over very shortly!  I miss Impi SO much and wish he could come here too, thankfully he's coming over for a visit next year and I can't wait!

* there are a few restaurants that I would LOVE to bring over here - Tommy's sushi, La          Pizza Pazza, Spur (unbelievably, yes, I miss Spur!)....  Good, affordable, restaurants is an area where I feel South Africa runs rings around the UK, particularly when it comes to kid-friendly restaurants... man we miss the indoor play areas!

* our house..... this is a weird one.  In some ways I miss it and in others I don't.  The little flat we are living in is very, VERY humble compared to our home in SA.... not that we lived in a mansion in SA, but still, it's chalk and cheese!  But, surprisingly, I am quite happy here - I'd love to rip out the carpets and gut the kitchen and bathroom and re-do them completely, but I've learnt to kind of draw a veil over those things and move swiftly on.  Our flat is ideally located, it's in a small, friendly, complex of only 8 flats, it has a little communal garden, so - 70s fittings aside, it's got a lot going for it.  As far as our Durban home goes, I miss my en-suite bathroom, my awesome Smeg oven, and my beautiful wooden floors, the verandah where we would sit and have sundowners every night, and the deck where we would have loads of happy family meals in the Summer...BUT I don't miss cleaning that big house (trust me, I REALLY don't miss that!), and hassling with maintaining it and the garden, I don't miss the burglar alarm and the monkeys that would harass us daily and just all the other kak that comes with a large and lovely home.  So yeah, it's a weird one, I miss it and yet I don't.

* My pets.  I so miss my pets.  Our dogs passed away before we moved and we made the heart-breaking decision to have our elderly cats put to sleep before we came.  (It was a ghastly decision to have to make, and one I still wrestle with daily, but I really don't think they would have coped with the move, so please, please respect that we made the best decision we could under the circumstances)  I think about our pets and miss them every single day.

View from a walk we did on our holiday in Cornwall

Things I particularly love about being here:

* There is so much to do - we could be busy all weekend, every weekend, if we chose to.  We are in a rural area, so this comes as a surprise to me!  There is an endless array of festivals and days out, craft fairs, canal festivals, music shows, markets... all in close proximity to where we live.  We haven't done half the things we intended to do this Summer because we have run out of time and energy!

* The countryside.   It is just so SO beautiful and it's there for the taking.  I am still not used to being able to walk for miles, on public footpaths, through woods, meadows and farmland.  It is absolutely my very favourite thing about living here!  I also love that each month brings something new - poppies, bluebells, snowdrops, daffodils, blackberries... there is always something fresh and lovely to see.  I am so deeply grateful to be able to experience this whenever I feel like it.

* The weather - bet you didn't see that one coming!!   I can, hand on heart, say that so far I prefer the weather here. Having said that, I believe we had a mild Winter, so I might come back here after next Winter and take back those words!  Interestingly, I genuinely do believe that we have had less rain here than we had in the same 9 month period back in SA... I don't know how that can be possible, but really, we have had very little rain (global warming??) I was never a lover of the hot and humid Durban Summers, so this Summer has suited me just fine!  I expected to absolutely hate the Winter, but I enjoyed it.  So yes, the weather so far has been great.

* Magic radio - I thought I'd never find a radio station that I loved as much as ECR... and yet, I DID! 

*The people - The Brits get a bad rap for being unfriendly and aloof, yet that has not been our experience at all.  We know all of our neighbours by name (we lived in our house in SA for 6 years and never met our neighbour!), the people we have dealt with in shops etc have generally been very friendly and I love that most people will greet you as they pass you in the street or on the footpaths, and some even make a bit of conversation.  There are obviously exceptions, but in general I find people in our area to be friendly.  (There are some really uncouth, awful people too, but they are in the minority and I guess that is the case wherever you go.)

*The pubs - we generally pop into a pub once a week or so for a drink.  We used to only really go to the pub that is a short walk from our flat, but lately we've been branching out and have found a couple of really nice pubs on our travels.  I love the pub culture here, so very English!  Every man and his dog propping up the bar... makes me feel right at home.

So that's the round-up of our first 9 months in our new home!  I couldn't have wished for a softer landing.

Watergate Bay, Cornwall

6 Months

We arrived in the UK on the 23 November 2018 so, unbelievably, that means we've been here for 6 months already!  I thought I'd do a little update.

A couple of things off the top of my head:

• the first 6 months is BUSY - I find there is so much we want to see and do, every weekend we are out and about doing stuff.  I have a feeling that after the first year this may settle a bit, but for now we are loving it.

• it has been EXPENSIVE - other than the obvious things like paying a rental deposit and buying a car, there have been a load of other expenses - having to set up our grocery cupboard from scratch was just the start of it.  It has slowed down somewhat, but for the first 3 months or so we kept having to buy odds and ends for our flat - this week a sieve, the next week, a storage container, the following week a peg bag.... and so on and so on - countless silly little things that we never really budgeted for.  (Yesterday it was a cooler box!)

• being here is EXCITING - everything is so fresh and new and interesting.  I have absolutely loved the experience.  I think maybe I was born to emigrate!!  (and as someone who usually hates change, I find that surprising in the extreme!) Honestly, I feel almost embarrassed when people ask me how I'm coping and whether I miss South Africa dreadfully..... The truth is I don't and I almost feel guilty about that.  I'm not saying I haven't had any "down" moments - when we came back from Paula's wedding and I was battling a tooth abscess and a sinus infection, I had a couple of very miserable weeks, but generally speaking, I honestly love it here and don't miss South Africa much at all.

• it can be EXHAUSTING - I think because there is so much to adapt to and to take in, things to learn, things to see, places to go... There have been some periods of utter exhaustion.  I have found it quite difficult to find the time to simply rest.  Grant and I keep saying "this weekend we are just going to chill" and then somehow we end up attending an event or going somewhere new.

• in the first 6 months your immune system takes a beating.  We have all been sick.  The grandkids particularly have had one cold after another, with some tonsillitis, an ear infection and a tummy bug in the mix as well.  I think our immune systems were set up for South African germs and not the UK ones and they are taking a while to adapt.

• this country is far from perfect.  The UK isn't perfect, so don't expect perfection.  No country in the world is going to tick every single box... if there was such a place it would be mighty over-crowded.  If you look for faults, trust me, you are going to find them and if you focus on those faults you are going to be miserable.  It's your choice.  I find some things here hugely irritating - I've kind of made a deal with myself whereby I see those things, I acknowledge they are annoying, I might even have a little moan, and then I move on and focus on the many, MANY things that I absolutely love about this place that I am fortunate enough to call home.

• Family and friends make all the difference.  We are SO lucky in that we have family and friends here.  We see our children and grandchildren daily and we probably have a busier social life here than we did in South Africa.  I really believe that has played a huge part in our happy transition.

• Choosing the right place to live is HUGE.  Having seen a fair amount of the surrounding area, I am SO happy that we chose to live where we live.  I strongly believe that to be happy you need to live in a place that MAKES you happy.  We have been to some places here in the UK that I genuinely could not live in.  If you are planning to move over, I think you really need to figure out what kind of place you want to live in, research, make a short list of places that match your expectations and then try to find work near one of those places.  I would definitely not recommend taking a job just anywhere.  If cities are not your thing, for goodness sake, don't move to one!  If you want a coffee shop on every corner and a constant buzz, don't choose to live in the sticks.  I have heard people moan endlessly about life in the UK, when questioned they say something along the lines of "I really, really miss my life in Fish Hoek,  I hate London."  No surprises there cherub!  If you are a country gal, and country life is important to you, why on EARTH would you think that you are going to be happy in the middle of a great big city???  I did a couple of blog posts on my personal  blog about how we came to live where we are - you can find them here and here.

• Not all schools in the UK are created equal.  If you have kids you really need to consider carefully what school to send them to.  I mean it's logical - back in South Africa you wouldn't put your kids in just any old school, you'd do some research, so my advice is to do likewise here.  There are lovely schools here, you just need to do your homework and find the right one for your child.  The horror stories of schools with not a grass playing field in sight, and badly behaved children are true in some areas, but they are by no means the only schools available here.  We live next door to a government primary school with a huge grass playing field and the children are no different to the children at your average South African school.

The bottom line in all of this is that research and attitude are key.

I often get asked whether the UK feels like home now.  It does.  It really, really does. I can't imagine living anywhere else.

An update

I haven't updated this blog for quite a while, so I thought it was time to share some thoughts.

The last month has been quite challenging for me personally.  We went to South Africa at the end of February, for close to 3 weeks.  We flew home mid-March, the day after our younger daughter's wedding.  The end of March was awful for me!  While we were in SA my younger daughter (Paula) and I were in a car accident and amongst various bumps and bruises, I broke a couple of bones in my right hand (I'm right handed...).  No sooner did we get home and I developed a really ghastly sinus infection (so SO painful!) and then as I was getting over that I got tooth ache - turns out I cracked a molar, probably also a result of the car accident.  Oh-my-soul...I am NOT a good patient at the best of times, but this lot nearly pushed me over the edge.  Trying to cope with life left-handed, fighting a fever, antibiotics, constant pain and on top of that missing my Paula (who is also dealing with some miserable health issues) something terrible... yeah, it was not a recipe for happiness!!  

All of this made me realise that a LOT of the success of emigration, or life in general really, depends on mental attitude.  With all of this misery going on in my life, suddenly England was not feeling like the happy home it had felt like before.  I was finding things to be grumpy about and I was comparing England to SA and finding it seriously lacking in some respects.   The people weren't friendly enough, the weather wasn't warm enough, our flat wasn't big enough, the dentist wasn't chatty enough, the sea wasn't near enough, the trees weren't green enough, the water wasn't soft enough.... Oh my soul, it wasn't 48 hours and I had dug myself into a deep, dark hole!  It was ridiculous!  Utterly ridiculous!  

I can tell you that it has taken me 2 full weeks to get my head right.  Once you allow yourself to get drawn into all this negativity it takes a mammoth effort to pull yourself out of it!  One morning I said "enough!"  That's it!  Line drawn!  I started to think of all the things I have to be grateful for and, believe me, those things are many and varied.  I began to look for the beauty in my surroundings (not hard to do in Spring in the UK!)  I started smiling and saying "hello" to people - and they started smiling and saying "hello" right back.  Grant and I went for a nice long walk through the woods and I breathed in the lovely fresh air and marvelled at the feeling of freedom and pure joy.  I cleaned our little flat from top to bottom and suddenly it felt a lot more homey.  My (long-suffering!) husband bought me a gorgeous bunch of roses and that cheered me up no end.  I began planning fun things for us to do and we went on a couple of nice outings.  I had long video chats with Paula and that warmed my mommy-heart and made me feel so much closer to her.  I spent loads of quality time with Roxy and the grandkids and suddenly life was feeling a whole lot better.  I'm very relieved to say that now that my attitude is sorted, life is looking pretty darn happy again!

All of this made me realise exactly how much of a mind-game this is.  If I sit here and start focusing on the negative I can talk myself into a really dark state of mind in no time.  I can start comparing things here to my life back in SA in an unfavourable light very easily and land up feeling utterly miserable and defeated.  By the same token, I can start comparing things here to things in SA in a favourable light and I start feeling really grateful that I have the opportunity to live here happily.  Having said that, I'd like to make it clear that I don't believe it is a good idea to start comparing the UK with SA at all.  It serves no purpose.  The two countries are completely different and both have pros and cons.

The bottom line is that in the last month I have come to see very clearly that it really IS up to me how I see things, my future happiness depends largely on whether I choose to be happy or not!  

To-do list after arrival in the UK

So you plan like crazy, get what feels like a million documents together, do an online application that feels both invasive and frightening, head off for biometrics where your face is photographed and your fingers are printed and now finally, FINALLY you have made it to the UK. Now what??


Now the fun starts! And the big questions is what to do first?



TO DO LIST:


* BRP. First up, if you came on a visa and not a British passport, you need to toddle off to the post office mentioned on the letter you got when you collected your passport (it's usually the post office nearest the address you gave in your application) and collect your BRP.


*UK Driver's Licence. Next it would be a good idea to exchange your SA Driver's licence for a British one - although you can drive on your South African licence legally for a year. A British Driver's licence comes in very handy as a proof of address and also for identification purposes. Find out how to exchange your Drivers licence here.


*Opening a bank account. Personally I found it very helpful to open a Monzo account initially. I opened my account before we left South Africa - this is possible provided you have a friend or family member who is willing to have your bank card delivered to their address. I absolutely love Monzo, it is the most user-friendly bank I have ever dealt with and I have not had a single problem.


*Applying for an NI number. National Insurance (NI) works in a similar fashion to UIF in South Africa. National Insurance contributions are basically a tax on your earnings paid by both employees and employers and your NI contributions help to build your entitlement to certain state benefits, such as the state pension and maternity allowance. You will begin paying National Insurance once you are earning more than £162 a week (this is the figure for the 2018-19 tax year). To apply for your NI number you need to phone 08001412075 and speak to an agent to make an appointment to apply for your NI number. (Note: If you are on a Tier 2 visa your NI number has probably already been issued to you and you will find it on the back of your BRP card.) You can begin working before you receive your NI number, but your employer will need it asap


*Register for NHS. To register for NHS you will need to register with your local GP. Pop into your chosen GP's rooms and ask to register as a patient of that practice. They will give you various forms to fill out and will need proof of accommodation (I used my UK Driver's licence) and will need to see (and perhaps take a copy of) your BRP and passport. You will soon receive a letter in the mail with your NHS number on it.


*TV Licence. Assuming you buy a TV in the UK, you will need to get a TV licence. Have a look at this website with details of how to get a licence.


photo credit: verchmarco <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/160866001@N07/46537652121">Leere Prioritätenliste mit dem Titel PRIORITIES und drei freien, nummerierten Zeilen</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

3 Months in the UK

Today it's exactly 3 months since we arrived in the UK! 

This month has been all about putting down roots.  I had a bit of a wobbly when our shipping arrived (as mentioned in my previous blog post) but I got over that surprisingly quickly and the rest of the month has been plain-sailing. 

Grant has been working on a contract in Scotland for the last 2 1/2 weeks and will finish up there next week.  Work seems to be going really well and the money is very good, so we're relieved about that.  According to the agency he is working through, there will always be contracting work available.  Ideally he'd like to have a permanent job that is more local, but for now the contracting will do and it's good UK experience for him.

We had our first experience with the NHS recently.  Our little granddaughter Issy got really sick quite suddenly and was running terribly high temps.  Rox made an appointment at our local GP where we are registered.  Issy was seen by the sweetest doctor, who examined her thoroughly and diagnosed her with tonsillitis, she was put on a 10 day course of antibiotics and Roxy was told to bring her back anytime if she had any concerns.  So our first experience of the NHS was a positive one.  In other medical news, Grant and I recently got letters in the post, inviting us to come into our GP's rooms for a free, comprehensive health check.  I can't say I'm very excited at the prospect - I loathe going to the doctor - but we will trot along there as soon as we are back from SA.

Talking of SA, in a week's time we hop on a plane and head back to South Africa for 2 1/2 weeks for our daughter, Paula's, wedding.  It's going to be quite surreal to go back there.  To be honest, I'm half dreading it and I'm a bit nervous about it - I don't want to have another wobbly like I did when our shipping arrived.  The timing isn't really ideal is it?   I'd like to have been here for at the very least 6 months before venturing back, but circumstances dictated that this was the right time to have the wedding, so off to SA we go!

There is no doubt whatsoever that England is my home now, I'm feeling wonderfully settled here.  So I think it's going to feel really weird being back in SA, I imagine it will still feel very familiar, but it won't be "home" - or will we immediately feel at home there?  My gut says "no", but who knows?  It will be an interesting experience either way.  

Random thoughts about this month:
* I love it here!  I absolutely love our little town and the life we are living here.  It has far exceeded my expectations.
* I am starting to relax into things - up to now I have been waiting for a drama, I've had a sense of "it can't be this easy to pack up my life and move across the world - there has to be a big drama around the next corner"  Well, it's beginning to look like there isn't going to be a drama (touch wood!) so I am starting to breathe more easily.
* Issy is picking up the sweetest British accent, I could listen to her talk all day, it's adorable!
* We are having the most amazing weather - from what I've heard it is very unusual for this time of year.  Yesterday we were walking around in jeans and T-shirts.  It gives one a taste of what it's going to be like living here in Summer and I like it!

* Hobnobs are wonderful and I am going to have to be very careful that I don't end up with "Hobnob hips"
*  I love the parks in the UK.  So many lovely places to take the kids to play.

Excuse the outfit.... Issy has a rather unique sense of style!